Tired

I am so damn tired right now, not phsyically, more just weary. Everything just seems to be piling up of late. Dearly wish i could just hit pause on my life and take a break from things

Dark

I've been in a really dark mood of late, anything and everything is getting to me or pissing me off. Dunno why but whenever i get a quite moment, which ofc for me is every second of everyday, i've been full of morbid/depressing thoughts.

Times like this can be really lonely

Picture or actions?

If a picture says a thousand words, and actions speak louder than words, how many words do actions speak?

This was the curious thought which sprung to mind a couple minutes ago. Its a good question though. We all now in this day and age talk is cheap, expecially when it comes from the mouth of a politican. Its important to remember that sometimes its not enough to just say things, you need to back them up with your actions. If you love someone, do something to show them, likewise if you loathe someone, make it abundantly clear.

A picture may say a thousand words, but actions speak louder than words, however many words there are.

Why?

Why is it that we always wait till its to late to say things? Is it because we're afraid of the unknown? Afraid of what might happen if we say what we really feel? Sometimes we keep quiet because we think that in doing so, we're protecting someones feelings, but are we really just protecting ourselves? To many times i've kept quiet when i should of said something, missed oportunities because i was to afraid of what might happen. Sometimes i lay awake at night wondering how different things would be if i'd only spoken up when i had the chance.

I regret so many things, but its to late now.

Thinking

This month will mark the 4th anniversary of my going deaf. Despite knowing it'd happen two years in advance, it was still a hell of a shock when i woke up after my second surgery unable to hear anything. In the intervening years between then and now i've gotten used to it, mostly. But theres still times when i can't help but dwell on things, the sound of my families voices, music or even something as mundane as the noises people make when they moving around.

One of the more unexpected results, (although why i didnt expect it is beyond me) of my going deaf is i've alot more time in general to just think about things. Other people if they on a bus or going somewhere will talk to other people or listen to music or something to entertain themselves but for the most part i don't have that luxury. Instead i'm given time to think about things, this has had mixed results, some comical such as randomly recognising that my oldest friends initials when placed in front of my own spell ARSE. TO rather morbid things such as cursing the things i want but can't have.

No wonder deaf people get cranky, when the only voice you can hear is the one inside your head, you tend to get sick of listening to yourself go on and on.